Oct 29 2007
Marketers; stop makin’ bacn
I apologize for the length of this letter, but I didn’t have time to make it shorter.
Mark Twain
Bacn (pronounced bacon) is the term given to electronic messages which have been subscribed to and are therefore not unsolicited but are often unread by the recipient for a long period of time, if at all. [wikipedia]
Now, why wouldn’t people read what they subscribed to?
Usually because it’s too long, too boring, too hyped, yet another pitch… or all the above.
There’s a theory, out there, that people will read long copy if it they’re interested in what it offers.
I beg to differ.
I can think of lots of times I *was* interested, but lost interest about the time I got the urge to stick a fork in my head.
I can count on one hand the number of people that write long copy well enough to keep eyeballs riveted to the page.
Say what you need to and no more. Stop makin’ bacn.
It works like this… give me the meat…. sell the sizzle… bring HOME the bacon. Not send it out. Okay? Thanks.
Popularity: 11% [?]
::nods:: Fine.
I’m wondering if your hotter than your sister.
John.. try as you might, you will not provoke that ever-sought-after-for-by-men-everywhere cat fight amongst the fraccy sisters. We’ve been through too much of the (how the French say… caca) in life together, and the ones of us that stick together (like glue as Sean Paul would say/sing) know that we’re all so hot there’s almost no one out there that could/can handle us.
(Are ya laughin’ yet Mr. atLindas?)
So see, it’s this way. I grew up blonde, she brunette… a very dark brunette. We both have tons of things we’re good at. Some the same, some different, and we both ask each other for advice or tips when we know the other can help.
All the while I was a young girl, LindaC was like a best friend. We shared a room, walked to the store to buy a coke together, gossiped together (though neither of us do any of that now… I sweeeear) and we dealt with some of the icky problems of life together. While just a tiny bit older than the fracas, Linda always included me, we shared some friends and a ton of things that will never leave my lips.
Now that we’re older, we have both also become closer to other of the fraccy sisters, and together, we’re like some freakishly awesome roller-derby team. Ain’t no one can mess with us and not pay a price.
So.. in my opinion, I could never be “hotter” than Linda and I bet Linda would say the same thing about me. She is awesome because she is Linda, and I am never envious nor resentful of her, her accomplishments, or anything in life she could have because she deserves the best.
And I really mean that. I am hot to those who find the fraccy style hot. She is hot to those who find the atlinda’s style hot. If somewhere along the lines, someone seems to find both to be hot, well then, I’d say you poor soul… you don’t stand a fly’s chance in my sister’s kitchen.
Was that bacn Linda? I thought if I stuck the word “hot” in enough, they’d keep reading.
Lol, Frac. That’s hot.
And here I was going to say it depends on how he defines hot.
‘Cause, John, if you’re talking about temperament, Fracas is the sort of woman that will be patient until the last straw and then give you lashing that will make your brain bleed. I am the sort that will be patient until the last straw and then turn you to stone and freeze your tongue all with one look.
If you’re talking about the other kind of hot… well, it depends who’s looking, now doesn’t it? Eye of the beholder and all that.
I’m a little past al dente Linda. I’ve gotten to understand that most men reeeeaaally want to see women go at it, whatever way they can provoke. They can’t help it, it’s part of that chromosome problem all men live with. You know, the ‘Y’ chromosome.
So I just always get that out of the way first.
But making their brain bleed? Shhh. I’m trying to convince people I’m nice. After all, I got that nice matters award and I’d hate for anyone to think I didn’t deserve it. But yeah.. I like blood better than stone. Stone is heavy.. and then you have to mooooove it and all. That’s too much work.
(But seriously John.. it’s me. I’m hotter.)
Rotfl
Under the collar, maybe.
LMAO
::twiddling his thumbs keeping his mouth shut:: Ya know, fracas, you’re God’s answer to my wants.
I always wanted a sister.
God hates me.
Btw… dear fraccy you made a typo back there …. it’s the “why” chromosome.
(C’mere so I can whisper….. careful what you say, John is watching with his mouth shut. And I just heard on the news that hell froze over, too.)
Girls think they’re soooo funny.
I’m not bring my G.I. Joes over now. They’ve got better things to do, like search for the rubies and the mummy’s coffin.
We are funny. And we smell nice too. That’s why guys tend to like us.
You still pay with GI Joe?
Bwa ha ha ha. Oooops. Sorry. Did I post that?
Whatever…what…the frac…evah.
…glad I didn’t say nothin’ about ‘Action Jack’. Chicks think they’re so cool sometimes.
We are. I refer you to the 10:12 comment by that uberliciously cool fracas gal.
Hmmm…. you know, pretty soon age will answer that hotter thing. I imagine that since I’m older, I’ll hit menopause first. From what I hear, I’ll be hotter for sure. LOL.
I’m not doing that menopause thing. I heard about it from the other fraccy sisters and I decided to vote against it.
Yep…. I haven’t heard anything good about it, about.
I figure if I try put it off until I’m in my 80’s then I’ll have
a legit reason to be grumpy. And winter won’t bother me much.
lol
I was kind of thinking about giving it to daddyp. You know, I gave him my oneredpaperclip book, and though he might have thought that would be an indication that I would share every prize I win with him… I can’t share the $500 because I’ve kind of promised to send John $500 worth of tampons. He said he prefers pads but tampons would be a smaller box to ship so he might just have to suffer.
Anyway… so I was thinking about what I could give daddyp to ease the pain of not winning the October contest and it just came to me suddenly (well, right after reading your post that is…)
I’ll give him the whole menopause thing.
After all, JD over at the I Do Things So You Don’t Have To blog would be happy to do menopause for me so that I don’t have to, but it seems kind of mean to ask another woman to do hers and mine. That would be rough.
So I thought… DaddyP! He could just either hide in the cupboard on those grumpy days, or he could wear that headcase he made. Either way, no one would know if he’s all bitchy some days.
It’s perfect.
Do you think he’ll be excited, or what?
You can GIVE it away? Like… that easy? Hmmm…. gotta do some thinking here on who I’d like to gift with a very unique gift that I really don’t want after all. lol